you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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