oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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