Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
