And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
