Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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