Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
