He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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