i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
