Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
