if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
