Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
