If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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