If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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