Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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