Whod you bang
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
