Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
