I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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