Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
