bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
