I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
