The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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