you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
