saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
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I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
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I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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