just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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