I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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