the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
