Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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