I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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