Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
