Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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