My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
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I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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