Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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