Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
