if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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