Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
