Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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