I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
