Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
