you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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