I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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