So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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