Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
