Whod you bang
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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