Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
