his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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