I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
