I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
