I think my vagina is haunted
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
