I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
