I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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