You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
