did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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