he thought i was a dude.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
