nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
