Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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