Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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