fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she peed on how many people?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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