i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
