You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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