2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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