I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
