drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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