nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
