Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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