Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
