You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
