tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
