i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
