But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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