She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
