i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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