I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
