Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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