I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
