WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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