I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
