Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
