I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
